Thailand: Breaking News: Angry Bird down but not out.
Getting your steed vertical like that certainly takes talent, when asked how he did that ? his reply “No f*#king idea mate” .
A little bit of irony today, as I sit and write this Blog about some misadventures on the mountain with Angry Bird. I’m given my own gentle reminder just how easy it is for one to come unstuck on a ride. I bend down to pick up a fallen water bottle and my ribs scream at me in protest. I’ve been in bed for a couple of days after a fall on the GG whilst riding up in the mountains behind Chaing Dao. It would seem that I never got the memo about slippery red clay and staying in an upright position whilst riding in the mountains is not positively conducive to a symbiotic relationship.
But I digress, today we were swapping out Angry Bird’s Blue Scooter for a Honda CRF250L and heading to the mountains for some dirt bashing or as it turns out there was to be more than just dirt bashing on this trip.
The First of many dirt dives, this one had a ‘brown pants ‘moment as he came around a corner and met the Toyota head on.
Our destination was the Chong Wa Coffee Shop in the sleepy village of Khun Chang Khian . It’s a bit of a mecca for dirt bikers and mountain bike riders and I was first introduced to it when I undertook some training with the friendly crew of HiVolt moto tours. So I figured it was a great place for Angry Bird to get his dirt wings back on. The trail is double track, but it’s easy in places and technical in other places with washouts, rocky hill climbs and lots of my good mate Red’s nemesis narrow concrete twin tracks in the steepest parts. Put simply it’s a good little trail to cut your teeth on and also difficult enough for experienced riders to enjoy. Moreover, the coffee shop offers a great reward at the end.
The Mountain Provided, it wasn’t all dirt diving on the Angry Bird behalf, this creek crossing offered a great little place for a rest.
A rare photo of an Angry Bird in his glory, here you see the majestic bird upright and in full flight, performing a mating ritual, he tries desperately to impress the villagers of Khun Chang Khian with his prowess.
Arriving at the bottom of the mountain we paid our dutiful entrance fee of 50Baht for the surrounds and kicked off the ride with a gentle lap around the lake to get to our starting point which is a bit of a climb up to the ranger station. It’s an ugly washed-out road and it’s steep and unforgiving. It’s quite hard to pick a line to ride up because there are essentially lanes of dirt where the locals have brought their trucks down with produce to market and scoured out the road making multiple tracks converging into one big rutted and washed out road section. From previous experience here I knew it was important to give it a bit of gas at the start of the climb and hold on for dear life. This section had claimed Red’s scalp twice all those months ago so I gave Angry Bird the heads up and hit it. To his credit he was right on my tail when we busted out of the ruts. So far so good.
The Angry Bird, much like the bower bird of Australia loves to collect all things shiny. They bring them back to the nest to impress the ladies, here in his natural jungle habitat he has acquired a shiny new trophy and proudly displays it for all to see.
Stopping briefly to congratulate him I figured he had this and let him lead the way. All went well until we came to one of the many upward climbs that ended in a sharp corner. When all of a sudden, a heavily laden Toyota Hilux edged around the corner. Angry Bird seeing this late panicked a little, threw out the anchor and washed off all his momentum, with nowhere left to go he drove it into the ditch on the mountain side of the trail. Man Down, it was the first of many spills to come. We recovered from that without any issues, no damage done only damaged pride, so we moved on up. Stopping at our next obstacle so I can give him a heads up. We had a steep climb ahead of us with those dreaded concrete strips. The strips aren’t too bad if you don’t come off them but if you do then you’re in the ditch at the side or in a washed out section of the median strip and it’s near on impossible to jump back up on it and more often or not you end up eating dirt.
Crash number 32 or was it 33 we cant remember.
Taking the lead this time, I wanted to show him how it was done, not that I’m an expert or anything, far from it. But I did remember a tip from my training with the HiVolt team that I shared with him. ‘Don’t focus on where your front wheel is going. But look at the trail ahead and where you want the bike to go’. Sound advice for any rider. Going up the concrete strips was a fear of mine as I’ve come off a couple of times and had my share of spills but as time went by, I learnt to have a love hate relationship with them. Anyway this particular section was about 200m up and finishing with a sweeping right hand bend. Stopping there out of sight I waited for Angry Bird to catch up. Listening to the sound of his bike I heard him start off, so far so good, then I heard his engine pitch change and revving followed
Rounding a bend I see Angry Bird bike down and no Angry Bird, I flash back to falling of the mountain myself and i fear my buddy has done similar. Only to reappear moments later roaring with laughter at his near miss.
by a stall and a shouted “fuck it”. Man down again. Calling out to check on his welfare he was ok but had busted off the end of his clutch lever. Bike starts up again and he tries again. Same result. Repeat, same result but this time with more expletives. I decide to see if he needs some help and in the hope of some good footage I wander on down the mountain. There’s poor old Angry Bird, with a dejected and crushed look on his face dripping in sweat. “I can’t do it mate I can’t get the momentum to stay on, I need some help”. We wrestled it onto the track and tried again but he just kept falling off. We lost track of the number of times he fell off and in all fairness the man never moaned once. At one point when he did get a bit of momentum up he was flying along, his confidence improving with every corner, he went around another and I was about 50m behind and lost sight of him. Rounding the corner myself there was Angry Bird's bike. Down blocking my path but no Angry Bird in sight. I felt sick to the stomach, it was on the nearside of a steep drop off. I instantly knew he’d fallen off the mountain like I had those many months ago. Throwing the GG down I started rushing over to the edge to look for him. He crawls out of the jungle on his hands and knees, it’s so steep, and is laughing like a mad man. “Well that didn’t fucking go to plan” he replies between laughter.
King of the Mountain, knocked down over 30 times but he got up and kept on trying to finally succeed and of course enjoy a well-deserved beer and some food on the river at the end of it all.
We eventually make it to the coffee shop and the shop owner has a laugh at our dishevelled state. We exchange stories of near-death experiences and he makes us a trophy of shame out of the clutch lever to hang around Angry Bird’s neck, which he wears with pride. Fuelled up on coffee and Ka pow Moo we hit the road again. On the way down we took a more scenic route, there were still countless spills on Angry Birds behalf and amazingly he just got back on the bike without moaning or apparent injury. We finished the journey with a beer and some chicken wings on the river out the back of Mae Rim. Upon arrival at our accommodation, we decided to go to the local bar for a meal and it’s here Angry Bird’s luck ran out. After a fine meal we leave, jump on the bike and he simply fell off. The bike was on a slope and the weight of it was too much to hold and he simply fell off. The bike must have been sick of his antics because this time the foot peg gouged 10cm deep laceration that required suturing. Ten sutures later and several hours in a local hospital we ended the day on a downer.
A trip to Thailand wouldn’t be complete without a trip to the ER. Angry Bird down but not out. Full gory photos in the member only section of the Meanderthal donations page ( link on front page)
Epilogue
Now some of you may feel that Angry Bird is getting picked on in this Blog, I assure you he wasn’t. He wanted me to write this blog and detail just how easy it is for things to go pear shaped without the proper experience and riding attire. Whilst I thought this would be the end of his trail bike riding, I was indeed shocked and a little impressed with what came next. On return to Australia it appears the man is a glutton for punishment. A week later he’s bought his own CRF300L and we’re planning an around the world Meanderthal adventures. Just Three weeks later he’s riding around Ingham and falls off again. This time breaking his leg. You’re not going to Believe what he does next? Leg in plaster he goes and buys another CRF300L this one in Thailand. Simply because he wants to return to the land of smiles, gain some more riding experience and training whilst living the dream. Angry Bird you sir are a true Meanderthal
